Endgame
by aurghhh
Summary: Ali D is back in town, and she and Paige are fighting to win Emily's heart. Or eliminate the competition, whatever works. (OOC, non-cannon, silly, etc)
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** This is very silly. Frequent cartoonish violence. (Written during 4B, hence the reference to Caleb being in Ravenswood.)

* * *

><p>"Paige, you don't have to worry about anything," Emily said.<p>

Paige continued looking out the front window, nervously scrutinising the street outside.

"Alison is different now," Emily assured her.

"Yes, she's alive," Paige responded. "That's much different, and not in a good way."

"I think you two should meet," Emily suggested.

Paige spun around, her eyes wide with fear.

"What?" she asked.

"I think you two should meet," Emily repeated. "You'll see she's just a person. It will do you good."

Paige stared at Emily, her face awash with confusion.

"OK," she said, "and maybe afterwards I can go play in the lion enclosure at the zoo. Or get a job as a human cannonball."

"Please," begged Emily. "I just think if you two met each other we could resolve all of this, and it would be over for good. You'd feel so much better getting closure."

For a moment Paige just looked on Emily in puzzlement, but then a smile slowly spread over her face.

"You're right," Paige said. "This could all be over. Permanently."

* * *

><p>Emily, Hanna, Spencer and Aria were sitting around a table at the brew. Emily was quiet, just looking down at her coffee, slowly stirring it.<p>

"Em, you don't have to do this if you don't want," said Aria.

"Yeah," added Hanna. "If you're nervous they won't get along…"

"They will," said Emily. "It just might be a little awkward."

"It could be more than awkward," Spencer suggested.

"It will be fine," insisted Emily. "Let's talk about something else."

It was silent around the table for a moment.

"I've broken up with Caleb," Hanna announced.

Emily was shocked.

"Why?" she asked.

"He went to Ravenswood," Hanna replied.

Aria and Spencer nodded their heads in agreement.

"But, we've got no idea how long that will last," Emily protested. "It might not even make it until the end of January. What if he wants to come back?"

Hanna shrugged her shoulders.

"His choice," she said.

The bell rang at the front door and they all turned around. It was Alison.

When Emily turned back the others were all gone, and the back door of the Brew was swinging shut.

"And how is my beautiful, sweet Emily?" Alison asked as she approached.

"I'm good," replied Emily.

Just as Alison drew near she tripped on the floor, fell and landed in Emily's lap.

"Oh, I'm sorry," Alison said, throwing her arms around Emily.

"Are you hurt?" asked Emily.

"I'm fine," Alison said, gazing into Emily's eyes. "Perfectly fine."

"Would you like me to get you a coffee?" Emily asked.

"No need to get up," Alison replied.

"It probably would be better if you, um… sat on another seat," Emily suggested.

Alison just raised an eyebrow.

"Please," added Emily.

"Oh OK," said Alison, moving to the adjacent seat.

"Thank you," said Emily. "And thank you for coming."

"That's fine," said Alison. "If you need help breaking up with Paige I'm more than happy to support you."

"I'm not breaking up with Paige," Emily replied.

"Sure," said Alison, rolling her eyes.

"I was hoping you to could make up," Emily explained. "And maybe try to get along."

"Get along?" Alison asked.

"Yes," Emily confirmed.

"Me and Pigskin?" Alison asked.

"Ah, she would probably like it if you didn't call her that," Emily said

"I'm sure she would," Alison responded.

* * *

><p>Paige and Alison sat on opposite sides of the table, eyes fixed on each other.<p>

"So, been up to much?" Paige asked.

"Not really," replied Alison. "You?"

"I've just been doing some shopping," Paige said. "I got a new shovel today. It's really good. I mean, it's good for digging, but also just feels good in my hands. It has a nice swing to it."

"So," interrupted Emily. "I should go get those coffees."

"It's OK Em, I'll get them," said Paige.

As Paige went over to the counter, Emily gave Alison an encouraging look.

"I think it's going well," Emily said.

Paige returned soon after with the drinks.

"One Americano for my girl…" she said, giving Emily hers.

"And one vanilla with two sugars for you," she said, handing Alison a cup from which a thick white smoke was pouring. "That's the vanilla… and extra milk froth."

Alison carefully put the cup down on the table, but as she reached for the spoon she knocked it over, spilling her drink onto the table. The surface of the table began to fizz and acrid fumes rose up.

"Oops, sorry," said Alison.

* * *

><p>It was morning and Paige was ready for school.<p>

"Bye everyone!" she called as she want out the front door.

As she approached her bike, she noticed a small package sitting on the seat. It was a present, in bright wrapping paper. Paige tentatively picked it up and read the message on the card

"Dear Paige,  
>No hard feelings,<br>Love Alison xoxoxo"

Paige held it to her ear. There was a faint ticking sound.

She dropped the present and ran to the door. Just as she made it there was a loud explosion behind her. She looked back and saw her bike lying in a pile of twisted, smoking metal.

_Damn!_ How was she going to get to school now?

* * *

><p>It was lunchtime at Rosewood High, and the four of them were sitting in the cafeteria.<p>

"It wasn't going to happen straight away, I suppose," Emily said.

"You just have to keep trying," said Hanna.

"Or give up," suggested Aria.

Spencer laughed.

"What's so funny?" Emily asked.

"I'm sorry, I'm just feeling very happy today," replied Spencer.

"Why?" asked Emily.

"I dumped Toby," Spencer explained.

"What?" asked Emily, now shocked.

"He was annoying me," Spencer elaborated. "Every time he gave me that puppy dog look and cried, I just wanted to slap him."

Aria and Hanna nodded in agreement.

* * *

><p>It was after school, and Emily and Alison were in the living room of the DiLaurentis house.<p>

"Alison, it's great to have you back, but you have to realise I'm with Paige now," Emily explained. "I'm sure we can all be friends though."

"Don't worry," Alison said. "We won't need to worry about Paige for much longer. Anyway, you have to try on your present."

"Um, it's a very nice bikini," Emily replied, "but it's quite small."

"I can put mine on too if you like," Alison suggested. "You know I don't mind."

"Thank you, but…" Emily began.

"Great," said Alison, heading towards the stairs.

As she did, a gunshot went off outside and a bullet flew through the window, passing by where Alison had just stood.

"Damn!" came a voice from outside.

Emily rushed to the window to see who was out there, but only caught a glimpse of a car screeching off down the street.

* * *

><p>Paige decided she had had enough. She was going to go over to Emily's house and convince her to stop seeing Alison.<p>

She marched out of the house with grim determination and got into her car. As she turned the key, however, nothing happened. She tried it a few times but there was only a slight clicking noise, with no response from the engine.

She needed to see what was wrong.

She tried to open the door, but it was stuck. She pulled on the handle and tried to force the door open, but to no avail. She was starting to get alarmed now.

Then she heard it. A humming noise, getting louder.

She looked in her rear view mirror.

_What?_

A giant monster truck was coming up the street towards her.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," she muttered to herself as the enormous vehicle came nearer.

She grabbed her crowbar from under the seat and smashed the passenger side window out. She hit it again, and then once more, to clear away all the glass, then lept out. She landed on the grass and rolled forward. As she looked back to her car the monster truck was now crushing it under its wheels, and a familiar laughter was coming from the cabin.

"I'll get you, DiLaurentis," Paige yelled. "I'll get you soon."

* * *

><p>As Alison sipped her coffee out the front of the Brew she had two questions on her mind. She needed to think of a grand romantic gesture to win Emily over, and a way to finish off McCullers for good.<p>

Maybe she could combine the two? No, Emily seemed strangely attached to that psycho. Weird. Still, she knew that she would win out in the end. She was much prettier than Paige.

There was nothing else to do now though, so when she finished her coffee she headed off.

As she walked home she noticed something on the sidewalk. An 'X', written in chalk. That's all is was. She stood over it for a minute, looking down, then around her, then up…

She jumped out of the way just as a falling anvil hit the 'X', making a massive thud on impact that shook the ground around her.

"Damn!" came a familiar voice from above.

Ali took a moment to compose herself. The huge metal anvil had buried itself halfway into the concrete just where she had been standing moments before. That could have been her.

She stood and stared at it. She couldn't help but imagine what would have happened if she had been under that. It looked so heavy, and hard. And why was there a rapidly growing shadow around it?

She looked up.

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" she screamed, again diving for safety.

A piano hit the ground where she had just been standing. She pulled her red coat over her face to protect herself from the chunks of wood, ivory and wire which were flying on all directions.

"Damn!" came the voice again.

* * *

><p>"Please Paige, I just want you to try to be friends with her," Emily pleaded. "This means a lot to me."<p>

"It's not going to work, Em," Paige responded.

"It can if you try," Emily insisted.

"I've tried several times," Paige replied. "But she keeps getting away. No, I mean, she keeps, um, like… You're really beautiful."

Just then the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it," announced Paige, eagerly.

Paige opened the front door just as the cannon went off.

She instinctively dropped to the ground and the cannonball flew over her head, down the passageway, crashing through the back door and landing in the pool.

Paige sprang up and charged at Alison before she could get another shot off. Ali ran, leaving the cannon in the middle of the road.

"A ha!" Paige exclaimed gleefully, aiming the cannon at her fleeing nemesis.

She lit the fuse.

Paige thought it was strange though that the fuse led to some sticks of dynamite strapped to the outside of the cannon, rather than…

"Oh shiiiiiiiiiiiiit!" she screamed, leaping away.

The explosion went off while she was still in midair, with the blast picking her up and throwing her into the neighbour's hedges.

"Damn you DiLaurentis!" she cried.

She looked up and saw Emily standing in the doorway of Paige's house house, arms crossed, shaking her head in disappointment.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N:** If you've read the first part you know what you're in for.

* * *

><p>Emily, Spencer, Aria and Hanna stood around the Hastings kitchen table.<p>

"I just don't think I can get them to be friends," Emily said, mournfully.

"Em, sometimes things just don't work out," Hanna said.

"Maybe you're right," Emily replied.

"You tried," Aria said. "Like I tried with Jake, but it just didn't work."

"You've broken up with Jake?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, well, he was pretty boring," Aria replied.

Spencer and Hanna nodded.

"What about Ezra?" Emily asked. "Any plans to get back together with him?"

"Not right now," Aria replied. "I just want to be single for a while. I don't want to turn into one of those girls who can't go a week without a boyfriend."

"You loved him though," Emily said.

"Ezra's great," Aria said, "and it's sweet that he still keeps an eye out for me. I mean, he watches over all of us really. The thing is I don't need a man, though. I just want to be myself."

* * *

><p>There was a knock at the door.<p>

Paige jumped up and ran to the door with excitement. Before she opened it, however, she remembered the need for caution, so she checked the surveillance cameras. It was the delivery man. Excellent!

She opened the door.

"Delivery for Paige McCullers," he said.

"That's me!" she replied, barely containing her excitement.

"Sign here please," he said, handing her a piece of paper, which she promptly signed.

"Have a nice day," he said, then walked away, leaving a large wooden crate on her doorstep.

Paige rubbed her hands with delight.

She quickly grabbed a trolly, and took the crate around to her back yard. There she undid the ties holding it together, letting one side fall to the ground. There it was. And it was beautiful.

She found the instruction booklet.

"Congratulations on your purchase of the Acme AMX-2000 Mobile Missile Launcher. This product is the ideal choice for both your surface-to-air and surface-to-surface strategic attack capabilities."

Paige was so excited.

"Paige!"

Paige span around. Emily was walking across the backyard towards her. _Act natural McCullers_, she thought to herself.

"What have you got there?" Emily asked.

"It's a present," Paige replied. "For my nephew."

"It looks like a missile launcher," Emily observed.

"It's a nerf missile launcher," Paige explained. "It fires nerf missiles. I'm getting his sister a nerf air defense system."

"Wow, toys are so realistic these days," Emily said.

"Yeah," Paige responded.

"Look, I just wanted to talk to you again about Alison," Emily said. "You guys can't go on like this."

"Don't worry Em," Paige said. "That will all be over soon."

"Good," Emily said. "Because I want you to go over there and talk to her and work it all out."

"I don't think that…" Paige protested.

"Today," Emily insisted.

"OK," Paige said.

"Great," said Emily, then quickly kissed Paige and left.

Paige got back to her new toy. She unpacked all the parts and assembled the device on her back lawn. Just as she was reading up on how to program the weapon, she heard a buzzing sound.

She looked up. It was a drone.

She quickly pointed her missile launcher at the drone which was scanning the yard with its camera. She frantically searched for the manual launch button.

The drone was turning to face her now, lining up its guns.

She hit the button.

A single missile shot out of its bay, slamming into the drone, which burst into a ball of flame. Chunks of burning metal fell from the sky, and Paige smiled with satisfaction.

That was fun, and she still had 23 missiles left.

She started entering the coordinates of the DiLaurentis house. She imagined the terror Alison would feel in those last moments, as death and destruction rained down on her from above.

But even as she did, she knew that what she was doing was wrong. She couldn't do it. She pictured the look of fear on Alison's face as she realised her fate. The awful carnage as she left this Earth. The terrible scene of desolation afterwards.

But that was all Paige could do. She wouldn't actually be there to witness Alison's demise. Heck, after this lot hit her there wouldn't even be a body to identify.

No, it was wrong. Alison deserved something more personal. And Paige wanted to deliver it to her.

Paige looked around the back yard, then she saw it. Her trusty shovel. Ah yes. It was perfect.

Paige would do what Emily had asked her. She would go and visit Alison today, and work it all out.

* * *

><p>Alison was waiting for her.<p>

"DiLaurentis," Paige sneered.

"McCullers," Alison scoffed.

Alison held up her hockey stick, ready for combat. Paige just smirked and held up her shovel.

"Ahhhhhhhh!" they both cried, charging at each other.

Paige swung her shovel at Alison's head, but Ali ducked under the blow and swept Paige's legs from under her with the hockey stick. Paige rolled back, just avoiding Alison's follow up attack.

Paige was prone now, however, and Alison swung at her again. Paige raised her shovel to block the attack, but Alison neatly turned her hockey stick so the toe was around the shaft of the shovel and tried to pull the shovel from Paige's hands.

Paige responded by twisting the shovel to try to disarm Alison, but both parties held on, temporarily in stalemate.

"Emily doesn't need a psycho like you!" Alison shouted.

"Do you really think she could love a heartless beast like you?" Paige responded.

Paige span around, releasing her shovel from the hockey stick and jumping to her feet. The two of them now faced each other.

"You made my life hell!" Paige shouted at Alison. "I just wanted to be with Emily."

"You made _my_ life hell!" Alison shouted back. "I just wanted her to stay with me."

Paige looked at her enemy. After all these years, the beast who had nearly destroyed her was back, and now Paige had the upper hand. She could finally destroy her nemesis.

"I was terrified," Paige said.

"I was so scared," Alison replied.

There she was. The evil monster of Paige's nightmares. Standing there. She was afraid now, Paige could see it in her face. Afraid. Vulnerable. Scared.

Paige looked at Alison, and she saw it. She finally saw it. Alison was just a girl, not a monster. A scared girl, now a young woman. One with hopes and fears like any other. One who could love and care like any other.

Paige dropped the shovel.

Alison dropped her hockey stick.

Paige could finally see the humanity in Alison's face. That lovely, heart-shaped face. With those crystal blue eyes. Those beautiful cheekbones. Those full, red lips. That glorious, flowing, golden hair…

They rushed at each other again, this time meeting with eager, ready lips. Paige grabbed Alison forcefully yet tenderly, and as their mouths met she felt a charge going through her body, powered by all the years of anger, now turned to desire.

As they kissed yet more passionately, Alison pulled Paige in closer, and all the hatred, all the fear, all the rage melted away.

Paige had never felt so alive.

* * *

><p>Emily was sitting with Spencer in the Hastings kitchen, absent-mindedly stabbing at a piece cake with her fork, breaking it into smaller and smaller pieces.<p>

"Emily, are you actually going to eat that?" Spencer asked.

"I'm sorry," Emily said. "I want to go over there. I know I can't but knowing they're both there, just next door… I mean we saw Paige's car parked outside. I want to know how they're going."

"I should have come around to your house instead," Spencer said. "You just need to let them talk."

"I know I just…" Emily began, but just then she heard a sound.

"_Ahhhh!_" came a cry from outside.

"Did you hear that?" she asked Spencer.

Spencer nodded

"_Ahhhhhhhhh!_" came the cry again.

"It's coming from Ali's house!" Emily exclaimed.

They both got up and ran outside.

"_Oh my God, Paige!_" came the voice, now clearly Alison.

"Paige is murdering Alison," Emily said. "Again. We've got to rescue her!"

Emily and Spencer charged to the front door of the DiLaurentis house, but it was locked. They tried to force it open, but the door remained steadfast.

"There's another door around the side," Spencer said.

Emily followed Spencer and, sure enough, the side door was open. They raced inside.

"_How do you like that?_" came Paige's voice from upstairs.

"Paige is tormenting Ali," Emily said, getting more and more distraught.

"_What are you going to do to me?_" came Alison's reply.

Emily and Spencer ran up the stairs. There was a trail of clothes leading up the stairs to Alison's room, but Emily didn't have time to think about that. She had to stop Paige from killing Alison.

"_Oh God, Paige… yes!_" came Alison's cries. "_Fuck me! Fuck me!_"

_What?_

Emily and Spencer burst into the room.

It took Emily a while to process what was happening, though not as long as it took them to stop. They were both naked, on Alison's bed, Paige on top of Alison, their bodies intertwined.

Spencer tried to cover Emily's eyes, but it didn't matter. The room around her was fading to black anyway as she collapsed into Spencer's arms.

* * *

><p>"Paige… and Ali!" Emily said.<p>

She had regained consciousness now, and was sitting up in Spencer's bed, with Spencer, Hanna and Aria surrounding her.

"I know Em, I was there," Spencer said.

"Paige… and Ali!" Emily repeated.

"So you heard some screams and found… what?" Aria asked.

"Alison and Paige have apparently made up," Spencer replied.

"Paige… and Ali!" Emily said again.

"So what were they doing?' Aria asked.

"Each other by the sounds of it," Hanna said.

Emily leaned forward and nodded her head vigorously.

"Paige… and Ali!" she said once more.

"Oh," said Aria.

For a moment they sat in silence, trying to comfort Emily. Hanna hugged Emily's arm, while Aria took Emily's other hand in her own and Spencer gently stroked Emily's forehead.

As they did so, however, they all exchanged questioning looks. Spencer nodded.

"You know Em," said Hanna. "This doesn't have to be so bad."

Emily looked at her, eyes wide and mouth hanging open.

"We've all had breakups recently," Aria said. "Like we said, sometimes things just don't work out."

"But we've still got each other," Spencer added. "Just the four of us."

Emily looked from face to face in complete bewilderment.

"What… do you mean?" she asked, her voice shaking.

"Just that… maybe you don't need them," Spencer replied, delicately sweeping the hair away from Emily's face.

"You've got us," Aria added, gently caressing Emily's hand.

"And we can make you as happy as they ever could," Hanna said, snuggling up closer to Emily.

"I don't under…" Emily began, but Aria lightly placed her finger on Emily lips.

"Shhh," she said. "It's all OK."

"We're here for you, Em," Hanna whispered in Emily's ear, before gently nuzzling her neck.

Spencer leaned in against Emily, embracing her as she did.

"For anything you need," she said.

"_Anything,_" Aria added, and as she did their lips met.

Emily was so glad she had her friends. They always knew how to make her feel better.


End file.
